Well after my last post I asked on the guild forums about what I should do to placate Uzi. I also posted the relevant part of the chatlog.
The overwhelming opinion was that that Uzi shouldn’t have thrown a hissy fit and quit without explanation, phthisiatrician also rolling need was probably OK since it was Shaman gear and an upgrade.
So my feathers have been smoothed, but I’ll still take the ask-before-need issue to heart.